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2001: A Space Odyssey, American Movie, Annie Hall, Blue Velvet, Citizen Kane, A Clockwork Orange, The Cruise, Dr. Strangelove, Dreams, Easy Rider, Eraserhead, Eyes Wide Shut, The Graduate, Lawrence of Arabia, Lolita, Manhattan, Midnight Cowboy, Mulholland Dr., Network, Red Beard, Roshomon, Seven Samurai, Yojimbo |
I have very little respect for people who say things like, "it's good enough" or "it's just a movie". I think that if you're going to do something you better do it right (which is why I don't like most of the movies we make). As far as cinematography goes I enjoy looking at patterns, contrast, and textures. I prefer black and white over color, film over digital, widescreen over full screen, and no longer watch television or read the newspaper. I sleep on the floor and am either curled up in the fetal position or lying on my stomach. I spend my days writing movies, watching movies, composing music, or listening to Frank Zappa interviews.
I don't like to think as much as I like to feel, physical pain hurts more than emotional pain, and I like cats more than dogs. I don't like symbolism or meaningful things and consider science a religion, as is philosophy. I don't think heaven is a real place, but if it is I'm sure it would be really boring. I don't drink or do drugs because I don't like artificial stimulation (I'm already addicted to sugar and oxygen which is enough for me). I do, however, practice meditation and sometimes hallucinate naturally.
The first genetically-engineered human prototype, "Peter Spryer" was built by scientists to excel in multiple areas. For years he was kept in a lab where he was tested side by side a group of non-genetically altered humans. Peter far surpassed the skills and intelligence of the other test subjects, and soon became cocky and refused to be tested upon any longer. As he was much too intelligent to be fooled, the scientists had to resort to negative reinforcement, in the form of strapping him in a chair with his eyelids propped open, as his virgin mind was exposed to such rancid televised filth as "Silverhawks", "GI Joes", "Thundercats" and "Muppet Babies". This particular choice of torture would come back to haunt the scientists, as they soon found out. Something in those damned cartoons caused a strange reaction in Peter's mind, mutating him into the comic genius he is today. When Peter was no longer content with being kept in a cage, he used his superior comedic intellect to spout randomly absurd sentences into the ears of his captors, most of which caused instant cranial combustion to anyone within audible range.
After everyone in the lab had died of laughter or head explosion, Peter made his way to California, which is where he first picked up a bass guitar, a weapon that would prove even more deadly than Peter's "Comedic Death" technique. With just a few months of practice, Peter's skill with the bass guitar had become so impossibly sexy, that God himself became aroused, and challenged Peter to a guitar dual. Confident as usual, God began to play. However, the sounds emanating from his Oh-So-Holy bass guitar were disgraceful when compared to the pure orgasmic sounds of Peter's Four-Stringed Tool of Destruction. As Peter let the final note ring, God's head exploded into a flaming ball of white light, and He was completely erased from existence.
Many who witnessed the event mourned the death of God, but Peter just shrugged his shoulders and continued on his way. He settled in Clayton, California, a small, quiet town where he could put his bass and comic skills to work without being constantly followed by a crowd of religious zealots asking him to remove their anal warts, or fix their car's headlights, or help their children with math homework. Realizing the opportunity, the Knights of the Naked Castle invited Peter to join them, and he did, on the condition that they treat him as an equal, and give him oral sex whenever he asked for it.
Last Updated 03.24.05
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